


Summer and You

by stanmybabii



Category: offgun, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, M/M, Memories, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Summer Love, a bit of an angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanmybabii/pseuds/stanmybabii
Summary: “If we meet again, I’ll tell you something interesting.”10 years later, Off searches for Gun, his childhood summer love, still in the hopes of finding out what the latter wanted to say before their last summer together ended.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	1. Prologue

# Prologue

_"If we meet again, I'll tell you something interesting."_

Off woke up, heart beating faster than ever. He always dreamt about these words, without knowing when he heard this or who told him. But tonight, memories of a boy from 10 years ago, in the province where he used to spend his summer, suddenly flashbacks in his head.

"Can't you just tell me now?" curiosity creeping him as they walk in the grassy plain of the province. "Where's the fun if I'm gonna tell you now?" the shorter boy replied, looking at him with a wide smile across his glowing face, maybe the reflection of the sun. _"It's you whose spoiling the fun. It's our last day of summer , I'd be curious the whole school year."_ Off grunted, as he wipe the sweat that has been forming in his forehead. The shorter boy just chuckled, having a great time teasing the older one.

_"Exactly. It's our last day of summer. You'll have something to look forward to for the next year."_

_"Then we'll definitely meet again."_ words escaped his mouth, as he remembered his own words from their conversation, not knowing at that time that it was gonna be their last summer together.


	2. Chapter 1: Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see notes at the end of the chapter. thank you

#### Summer, 2005

“Come on dear, staying in province isn’t really bad.” the 29-year-old lady, who was Off’s mom, has been convincing the young boy about the beauty of the province. Off’s parents decided to send him there to visit his grandparents, and also to have a break from the city life. And Off wasn’t really in for this.

“But I don’t need to stay here for the whole summer. My friends will be looking for me.” he protested. He wasn’t really that friendly nor good at starting conversation with strangers, he’d rather stay in the noisy city, at least he has his friends so there’s no need for him to try and talk to new people.

“Just try and roam around the area, you’d surely love the view.” Off was left with no choice but to go out, he can never resist his grandma’s request.

He was being grumpy, walking alone. But as he reached a massive land with only flowers and grass to be seen, he starts to appreciate the area. He kept on walking, sometimes stopping just to stare at the beautiful flowers around here.

“Do you love flowers that much?” Off jumped, his heart beating wildly, surprised at the sudden voice that seems to be talking to him. He faced to where the voice came from and saw this short guy in jumpers and beret. “Your face ain’t familiar. Are you new here?” continued the boy. Off just stared at him, still startled by his presence. “Are you perhaps deaf? How do I-“

“No I’m not, and yes I’m new here. What is it to you?” he answered coldly. He turned around and continued walking, not minding the stranger’s presence behind him. “Is he following me?” he thought, his whole body suddenly panicking. “Is he for real or something? This shit is scary.” ridiculous ideas now clouding his mind, and he can’t be blamed too, he didn’t really see the short guy coming. “Hey, I can show you around.” the small guy offered Off a free tour around the area. Off, scared, awkward and suspicious of the latter, tried to hide his emotions by raising his eyebrows, hoping that the stranger leaves him alone.

But his plan of losing sight of the boy seems to be failing, for it started talking to him again. “I’m Gun, no need to be scared. I just wanna make friends.”

“But I don’t want to be friends with you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Well lemme show you around, and if you ain’t impressed with the places I bring you to, then we can forget that we met here.” Gun offered, flashing his sweetest smile to the taller one, hoping this could sway the guy in front of him.

Off took minutes to answer. He was fighting his own mind, really tempted to accept the stranger’s offer, the guy seems to know many places and he’s curious as hell-- _but this is a stranger,_ he fights his thoughts again.

After thinking about it as if it’s the biggest decision he’d be making at the age of 14, Off finally responded. “If something terrible happens to me, I’ll hunt you even in your sleep.” he warned, turning back just to see the shorter guy with a grin formed in his mouth.

“Trust me, you won’t regret going with me.” Gun responded, walking cheerfully, passing the taller guy. “But before we go on in this quest, may I know your name?”

“Yeah, I was gonna say that. I’m Jumpol, but people call me Off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is originally an au posted in my twt account , and i just decided to post it here too. I'm new here so pls bare with my errors. hope you enjoyed this one!


	3. Chapter 2: You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see the note at the end of the chapter.

# Chapter 2: You and Me

#### Still summer, 2005

The two young lads, led by Gun, started exploring the area. Off, still being suspicious of Gun. He can't really appreciate the area they're passing, as he was busy inspecting the guy, silly thoughts running in his head. _"What if he takes me to somewhere and I don't return home. What am I gonna do?"_ one of his silly thoughts. There was so much going on in his mind, but all of the thoughts vanished like a bubble, when the shorter guy halted, turning around to face the taller one.

"You know, even when you're not really talking, I can hear your thoughts well." he ranted. Who won't feel it, Off was giving this awkward vibes, and Gun can literally feel his sharp stares. "How will I be able to prove to you when you're not looking around?" Off felt bad, he was overthinking things.

They continued walking and this time, Off was truly amazed by the view that he's seeing. They’ve been going to different areas, Off still amazed with what he's seeing. The atmosphere between the two seems to be lighter now that Off was enjoying the "quest", sometimes giving off comments such as _"Wowww"_ , but in a whisper, thinking his tour guide won't hear but the truth is, it's loud enough for Gun to hear. _"Aha, he's enjoying."_ he thought and giggled.

“What’s funny?” Off asked, suddenly taken aback by the reaction the latter has given.

“Oh nothing. Just glad you’re having a good time.”

“Well, this is a nice place.” the taller guy complimented. All his doubts about the stranger seems to drop out of sight, as he stare at the beautiful lake surrounded by tall grasses and some flowers too. He felt peace and comfort, not just with the place, but also with the stranger.

“So... we’ve been going to places. How was it?” Gun asked. They were sitting in a rock just beside the lake. Even tho he knew the foreign man enjoyed the tour, he wanted to hear him say his thoughts.

“It’s good. I’ve never seen places as peaceful as the ones you showed me.” he said, turning his head to look at the stranger he was just doubting hours ago. “Quite loved your taste.” he added, making the small guy beside him turn his head, shocked by the sudden compliment the guy has said. “What do you mean?” confusion all over Gun’s face visible.

“Well, I loved the places we visited. It kinda tells me your taste on things.”

“And what do you think is my taste on things?”

“Well for starters—” Off paused, staring at the guy for a second before continuing, “You surely love green.”

“Hmmm, nice guess. But how can you say so?”

“You brought me to places which mostly includes nature, and that’s a lot of green.” he stated, making the latter laugh. “You’re good at guessing. Yeah, I love nature—and green. It’s just so peaceful.”

“And beautiful. It’s not gonna judge you too.” Off continued.

“Well, since you’re saying these things, and complimenting my taste too, did I just swept the doubts you were having like hours ago?” he asked, his lips forming into a curve—he was smiling.

“You can say that, except that I still think you’re an ghost.”

“How dare you, I’m as real as you.” Gun ranted. Off giggled at the boy’s action. He was comfortable with him, even with the fact that they just met hours ago. It was strange for him, but it felt right laughing and talking to the guy.

Off faces the shorter boy, extending his hands. “I was a bit rude hours ago, so let me start over again.” Gun’s face was filled with confusion once again with Off’s sudden actions.

“Hello, I’m Off. What’s your name?”

The latter now understood what Off meant, now returning the guy’s gesture.

“I go by the name Gun—well ‘cuz everybody calls me that.” he laughed as they link their hands, shaking it, signalling the start of their treasured summer memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm sorry if my updates are a bit slow. I'm trying to give the best updates as possible. Lemme know your thoughts for this chapter by commenting :)


	4. Chapter 3: My time with you.

#### Chapter 3: My time with you.

_Summer, 2006_

“Oh, now you’re back.” Gun greeted the taller guy with a grin in his face as the latter walks towards him, who just arrived fresh from the city. At some point after they bid their goodbyes as the summer came to an end last year, Gun really didn’t think the foreign guy would come back. He was always vocal of how he enjoys his life in the city, and Gun was really thrilled too with the stories shared by his new friend, but couldn’t really get the picture as he lived his whole life in the peaceful province. Off on the other side, thought about the province throughout the school year, ecstatic on the thought of coming back when school ends. _Seems like the place has already a special place in his heart and memories._

“Well, isn’t that expected Gun?” he replied to the short guy, giving back the grin he gave him a while ago. “Not really, I even thought you forgot about this whole place.” While it was true that Gun thought the latter would forget the place and their summer together, much to his surprise, what happened was the total opposite.

“How would I forget such a lovely place.”

_“And forgetting this place means forgetting you too,_ which is kinda impossible since you left quite an impression to me... not normal and not good impression for the record.”

“Oh yes you thought I was a ghost, never knew you were that dumb, Off.” Gun said as he walk closer to the other guy, reaching for his hands. “Let’s stop talking, I have something to show you.” with a confused expression on his face, Off just let Gun pull him, running to a place he also have no idea where.

_“If I don’t make it home, I’ll hunt you in your sleep.”_ Off shouted as Gun ran faster, pulling Off with him too.

* * *

“After walking and running for 20 minutes, the two young men arrived at a small house. It seemed more like a cottage house which was situated near the lake. Off was amazed on how the house was associated with the nature which seemed to be hugging it. Gun on the other hand, can’t help but to smile, glad to see the latter’s reaction.

“Nice right?” the small guy asked, looking at Off whose still busy scanning the whole place, appreciating every corner his eyes sees. “What is this place? This is a treasure, it’s beautiful.” words came out of his mouth fast, giving off compliments to the place as he roam around, perhaps almost forgetting that he was with Gun.

“Well for starters, my family owns this one so we’re not trespassing any property here.” he stated, letting out a chuckle, as he see the amazed reaction from Off. “My family rarely comes in here, so I thought we could pay a visit, just in case you wanted to see other stuff than the lake and the field.”

“Wow, I’m honestly honoured. This place is amazing.” Gun, who was eyeing the latter, was surprised to how the guy reacted when he showed him the place.

“You know, things that makes you happy sometimes shocks me. You seemed to be the teenager who doesn’t enjoy these places.”

“And what made you think that way?” Off turned around and faced the smaller guy, with his right brows raised, waiting Gun to respond, as he was curious about how the guy viewed him. “Well, this is different from what guys from the city enjoys.” Gun answered and shrugged. It always amazed him how the foreign guy expressed his fondness to the things he had been showing him since last summer. He thought, nothing of those things was manly or of the sort, as he has always thought of city kids differently. But it seems like Off was gonna break all his expectations from the city kids. The latter just came from the city. Gun expected him to change his thoughts of the place he visited last summer. But then again, much to his surprise, Off looked like he was now more fond of the place. Well, fond for the place, and the _guy who showed him this new place. ___

__

__“Well then I guess I just gave you another reason to comeback next summer huh?” the little guy smirked. Off just laughed, agreeing with the guy, feeling his cheeks burn as he stare at the guy who was now smiling widely at him. He’d be thinking of this place once he goes back to the city for the next school year. He just arrived, and yet he thought, he can’t wait to come back and see the place once again, or maybe not just the place now._ _


	5. Chapter 4: Fall

#### Chapter 4: Fall

_Summer, 2007_

It was probably 32 degrees Celsius, but the heat did not stop the two young men on going to the market, exploring the place. It was the first time for Off to be there, all of their adventures for the last two years were filled with “nature-discovery quest”, as to what Gun has named it, and they think they’ve reached the point where they feel like going to a different place with a different atmosphere, different concept, and this time , they went to a noisy place, a lot different with the quiet field and lake, with a lot of stalls and different people to meet and deal with.

The place was crowded and the summer sun was scorching, Off groaned to the feeling but still not saying any complaints, not wanting Gun to feel bad choosing the market instead of somewhere cooler.

“It’s hot in here, I want to drink something cold, do you know—” Off wasn’t able to finish what he was gonna say, as he find out that the small guy has disappeared. He was turning his head to different directions, in hopes of finding the guy somewhere near him, but he failed. He started walking, his heart beating fast, the heat of the sun now burning his skin, desperately looking for the guy, repeatedly saying his name in his head. It was always hard for him to talk to strangers, so losing Gun made him panic.

He looked for the guy for about 10 minutes now, but still no sign of him. He has no idea of which part of the market he’s in right now. He stopped walking, contemplating on how to find the guy, he’s been calling his name, sometimes forcing himself to ask people if they’ve seen a small guy in white shirt and much to his disbelief, no Gun has showed up.

The familiar feeling is making his stomach churn, sweat falling from his forehead, confused and lost expression visible in his face. He always hated when people suddenly disappears on him, But rather than hating Gun, he was more worried. And he was never desperate to find something until he lost sight of Gun.

Off was standing in the middle of the sea of people, lost in his train of thoughts, when suddenly he heard his name being called, somewhere near him. And the moment he realized who was shouting his name, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief.

“Off! Are you here? Off!” the smaller guy shouted. He panicked when he realized that he lost sight of the latter. He knew Off hated being left alone in a crowd of strangers. He’s been searching for him for a while now, but now seeing the tall guy walk from a distance towards him, he couldn’t help but pour down the tears he’s been holding in. He’s relieved he found Off, or was it Off who found him?

“Hey... “ Off was alarmed when he saw Gun up close. His face was clearly red, his hair damp from sweat, and his eyes was watery--- it was tears which is likely not gonna stop any soon from flowing. “Gun why are you crying?” he worriedly asked.

“I was just in a stall, I didn’t know I’ll lose sight of you.” Gun replied, sobbing more now that he’s talking to the taller guy who he was searching for a while ago, feeling relief after finally seeing him. “I-I was so worried, I didn’t know what to do. I’m s-sorry Off.” he continued. Off was just there, looking at him intently. Instead of consoling him, he found himself eyeing the latter, observing his little movements, of how his cheeks was red, whether it was because of the scorching heat of the sun or because he was crying, to which no one really know, not even the curious Off, to how his lips move, apologizing to him even when Off thought he didn’t need to, to how the guy was worried about losing him—to which he didn’t really get that often reaction from the others when he’d suddenly disappear. He observed him some more, this time making his gazes slow. He didn’t even realize that his hand were moving towards Gun’s face, slowly wiping his tears away.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It was my fault for not paying attention.” his tone was soft, making Gun calm. “I’m sorry that you had to be worried. Now, stop crying, hmmm?” the words sounded even softer, while his hand was slowly rubbing Gun’s back.

They were now walking, Off’s hand now in the latter’s waist. Gun has stopped crying, but still silent. He felt guilty, or some of the sort. He really felt bad, even though Off repeatedly assured him that it was fine. They reached the cottage house that Gun showed him last summer. Ever since then, after every stroll they make, they’d come back to the house, resting for a few hours, appreciating the view right in front of them.

The walk was silent, in which brought Off to think the things he learned about the guy beside him for the past years they’ve been hanging out every summer. He learned that Gun really hated being alone—very much opposite to him, and it was one of the reasons why he approached Off when he first met him. Gun also has this habit of scratching the side of his lips when he’s shy, in which he was surprised himself too for noticing such small detail. There was so much that he learned about the guy, and he wondered why his heart seemed to panic upon thinking about these tiny details about Gun. He made Off nervous, and Off doesn’t have any answers to it yet.

“What are you thinking?” Gun finally talked, breaking Off’s chain of thoughts.

“Nothing really.” he answered, turning slightly red, shy with the fact that he was thinking about the latter for some time now.

“Aren’t you mad at me or something?” Gun asked again. It was a small thing for some, but knowing how Off hated to be with unfamiliar faces near him, he felt bad. It was clearly unintentional but still, he felt like he had to apologize.

“The moment you told me you were worried and that you searched for me, right there I’ve already forgiven you.” he said, letting out a chuckle to Gun who was still visibly worried and sorry.

“Even though I didn’t have to forgive you for anything since it was clearly an accident and clearly my fault.” he smiled, staring deep into Gun’s eyes, as if he was trying to bury the sincerity of his words right at Gun’s soul, if that’s what gonna calm Gun down.

“You worrying about me was already so much. It was a first, well aside from my family, so thank you.” he continued, his heart beating crazily for some reasons he had yet to realize.


	6. Chapter 5 : Love

#### Chapter 5: Love

_Still Summer, 2007: A week after._

Summer ends in two days, and like any other visitors, Off was expected to roam around the province and enjoy the view before he goes back to the city for the new school year, but instead, the city boy is sitting in a wooden chair in a room, screaming at his playmate, who happened to be the owner of the house, both deeply indulged with the _nintendo wii_ they're playing.

"I'm way faster than you." 

"Oh shut up and play you're all just words."

"Said by the very same person i defeated for the third time now, huh?" Gun glared and faced the tv in front of them, completely riled up with Off's words, eager to defeat the latter. Off in the other hand just laughed. The game started, and Gun was so focused on what he was doing that he failed to notice Off who was intently staring at him. Gun still won't notice, as the taller guy was still playing, pressing random buttons while his eyes fixed to the guy beside him. He watched how Gun's brows move as he frown, of how his jaws clenched when he pressed the wrong button, of how his eyes sparkle while looking at the television. It was weird even for Off to be doing this, but he finds himself doing the very same thing once in a while when he's with Gun, and he doesn't have any explanation for this sudden curiosity he feels towards him. He used to be calm when he's with Gun, but now, hearing just his voice suddenly makes him nervous, his blood rushing up to his face when the latter tried to be too close, his heart beating in an abnormal way. The guy's presence makes him panic, taking his breath away.

His thoughts were popped like a bubble when Gun's mom called for dinner. Even when Gun wanted to finish the last round, he still stood up, dragging Off with him since his mom has been calling them for a while now. "I'll beat you next time, just watch!" said by Gun as they make their way to the dining area. Off is not new there, he would spend most of his time hanging out with the small guy, so it was just right to introduce each other to their parents.

Over the course of 3 years, Gun's mum grew fond of Off. She used to think his son was a loner kid but when he brought with him his new friend years ago, she was relieved. Gun would always talk about him when he comes home after a day of strolling the province with the latter. 

"You're going back to the city in two days right?" she asked. Off was enjoying the meal, chuckling to Gun's annoyed face. He turned his gaze to the small guy's mum and answered her. " Yes, time really flies so fast. I don't want to go yet." he ranted. Gun's mom smiled at the young guy's expression.

"Well then, I gues you need to enjoy summer's remaining days."

"Yeah, I'm really having fun as of the moment." replied Off, as he switch his eyes to Gun, making his mum laugh. 

* * *

_8:35 P.M - Night before summer ends._

It was chilly, the grass slightly waving at their feet. It wasn't totally quiet, as the crickets accompany the two-- whose senses were unusually sharp, for some unknown reason. They walked towards the field where there’s nothing to cover the vast sky. As they sat down, Off couldn't help but notice yet again the small guy's features. He felt the familiar movements of the insides of his stomach, the sudden warming of his cheeks from the sudden blood rush, looking down to the guy's small hands, whose inches away from his. He intently looked at it, wondering how it would feel to be wrapped around his very own hands. He felt his face heat up again from the thought. The slightest movements the latter does makes his system, again, panic. He shrugged all of his thoughts, as he join him in appreciating the sky above them.

"It feels so near and yet it's so far from my reach." Off looked at his side to see Gun's eyes full of admiration for the heavenly scenery. The short guy has always been fond of the sky, the stars and the moon. It was indeed a beautiful sight to see, and yet for Off, there will never be as beautiful as the guy beside him, finally realizing why he suddenly thinks of the guy whenever he fails to fall asleep at 3am, thinking of random things just to end up thinking of the latter, of why he suddenly can't stop looking at him whenever he's looking at something that amazes him. Finally, just because of the few words the latter has said, he finds the reason of why he's coming back at that place every summer.

"It's always the things that are near that's so hard to reach. Pretty ironic don't you think?" he replied, a smile plastered in his face. Gun couldn't help but notice Off's sudden change of mood. His gaze was different from all the other gaze he gave him. His stare got to his skin, like knives but it wasn't hurting him, instead it gave him chills, waves of thoughts flooding his head. All of a sudden, he can see admiration in Off's eyes, and he couldn't help but wonder.

"Have you ever liked someone?" Gun was caught off guard with the guy's question. He felt his insides act up. The words keep repeating in his head.

Everything in Gun's head was in slow motion, it was like a movie with leads chasing each other in the field, not worrying about what the world will think of them. But he knew he was fooling his self because it wasn't a movie-- it was his memories with the boy beside him. More memories came in to him, flooding his system. He thought of the times where he could find himself thinking of the guy, of the times he waited for him to arrive, after months of not seeing each other. The thoughts struck him like an arrow, and the more he think of it the more he discover how much he's been thinking of Off Jumpol. He felt his heart pump faster, his head throbbing from thinking too much things at the same time. 

He calmed his self, breathing slower than he did a while ago, as he slowly bring his gaze back to Off, who was now lying beside him and his eyes closed. He stared at him, his eyes trying to penetrate Off, wanting to know what the latter has been thinking about him. 

Off decided to lie down as he waited for Gun to answer his question. He saw the latter pause, maybe thinking of what he'd answer to him. He closed his eyes, trying his best not to do some stupid things while thoughts about Gun run inside his head. He repeatedly clenched his hands, hoping it would somehow calm his nerves, but it did not serve what it's supposed to be purpose, as he felt eyes staring at him, seeping right through his skin, like it was begging for him to open his eyes and say something. Even his eyes were still closed, he knew exactly who the owner of the eyes was-- and he did not dare stare back at the guy beside him, afraid his eyes would speak for him and expose his thoughts.

"I did...or did I?" Gun answered, making Off open his eyes, just to find the short guy's back greeting at him. 

"Maybe I didn't yet, or maybe I'm in the process of liking someone." He turned his head and looked back at Off who was surprised that the latter faced him, now the two young guys, who were both afraid to know what they truly felt, stared at each other's eyes, gazes racing to reach the other's soul, to find answers, or maybe, to discover something they failed to see through the years they've been hanging out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ehhehhe if you're reading this note rn, then thank you so much for reaching this point! and im apologizing for slow updates, i've been out of it these past few days plus uni just started so im kinda busy. but dont worry, i changed my update sched to weekends, and i'll try to comply with this one hahahha thank you so much and hope u wait for the next update! and if you wanna talk, just dm me (@atpjumcial) in twitter hehheeh


	7. Chapter 6: Blurry

#### Chapter 6: Blurry

_A random day, year 2020_

Off was never an over-thinker, he was rather calm and collected, not succumbing to pressure people gave him. He was always the type of person to look over possible holes, finding solutions to it, planning it out smoothly until he's satisfied with it. It was maybe the habit that he got from being an engineer, but he always made sure that everything went according to his plans.

It was a sunny day, the heat closely burning their faces as they walk around the site of the construction, checking out details and seeing to it that everything was going fine. Even with the scorching sun, Off remained unbothered and continued walking, making people turn to him for a short while. He was doing his usual thing at work when he heard familiar words, he wasn't sure if he heard it right, but his entirety seemed to know the feeling, a piece of memory he has hidden now resurfacing.

_"I go by the name Gun. Nice meeting you."_ it was like reflexes took over him, his head turning to the direction of the voice he just heard. The words seemed not new to his ears, as it repeats itself in his head-- his hands gone cold at the sudden shock. Tay, his friend and the architect of the project, who happens to be with him, was confused as to what happened to the man beside him. The look on Off's face was something new to the sight of the man, making him worried about his fiend.

"Off, are you okay? Why are so pale?" Tay asked, making Off's thoughts break, suddenly he's back to reality and his senses. He could not remember what triggered him, it was not something traumatic, but rather, it was his memories that have been long forgotten, burried at the back of his mind, or was it really long forgotten? He was confused as well, but he shrugged it off, maybe just mishearing it. 

He wiped the sweat that formed in his forehead, answering Tay's question. "I'm fine, just remembered an unfinished work." he said, not looking at the latter's eyes, afraid it'd expose his panicking insides. "You sure? You look horrible." Tay continued. Off just smiled at him to make him stop from asking questions. His day continued, with him focusing more on the site tour--distracting himself from further thinking about what he heard earlier.

* * *

He was back at his office after a long day under the sun. Off was surely drained, but the voice he heard at the site played again in his mind, making him stop. He wasn't sure if he remembered well, but the panic he felt with just his presence, just like before, seemed to not change after all the years. He tried to distract again his self, drowning his attention towards the paperwork in his table.

"Ohoo~ Off, you're still working?" Arm, his friend, entered his office, making Off look up to him, then back to his paperwork.

"Yeah, got loads of them." 

"The project is almost over. Let's go celebrate. The whole firm will be going."

"I still got a lot of work to--"

"And the others won't take no as an answer. C'mon Off, don't be such a workaholic." Arm said, while munching the cookies at Off's table. Off wanted to turn down his friend, but he was right. The project is nearly over and it's going really smooth. He had sleepless nights because of it, so a little break won't kill him, he thinks.

"Fine. Just let me pack my things." he said, making Arm grin, feeling victorious at making Off agree. " Oh yes my dear friend, we'll see you outside." 

* * *

The smell of cigarettes and alcohol greeted them as they enter the bar that's just 15 minutes away from their office. Arm quickly reserved their place even before persuading Off, and he was glad because his friend is there with them. Off on the other side was quiet. He hated to be in a crowd full of strangers, and this was worse-- with them all alcohol-intoxicated, sweat running down their skin as they dance their hearts out at the center of the bar, swaying their bodies along with the loud music. 

He was never a party goer, he even hated talking to people he didn't knew. But over the years, especially after he graduated, he needed to learn to talk to people even when he hated to, extending conversations from time to time with clients he talked over dinner, because he won't have work if he stayed quiet at the corner.

He looked at Arm, who just arrived with a bucket full of _Budweiser_ , followed by a waiter who seemed to be holding a bunch of hard liquor with him, "Here you go, let's get wasted tonight!" Arm shouted while pushing a glass of vodka towards Off, "Here's for you, get wasted, old man." he grinned, "You fucker we just started and you're giving me hard." Off complained, but he still drank the liquor in one go, tasting the bitterness of vodka down his throat, his body quickly getting warm. He supposed to hate it, but he saw himself getting more glasses from Arm, liquors now mixed in his system. He felt hot, as to why he removed the first 2 buttons of his office suit. 

His officemates was nowhere to be found as they rushed to the center, allowing the music and alcohol completely take over them, not minding the extreme hangover that's waiting for them the next day. Off just sat at their place, with a glass of whiskey in his hands. He decided to go and enjoy the rest of the night, not caring who was approaching him, as he started to sway too. A girl went to him, gliding her body to his, sometimes touching the man's chest which did nothing but make the atmosphere between them hotter. He grabbed her waist and was about to kiss her when chunks of memories came flooding his head,

_"Try holding me."_ he hears the voice, making him stop. "Hey, are you okay?" the woman in front of him asked, snapping him back to reality. He just smiled and held her face again, this time kissing her, the loud music continues to echo, the bodies dancing next to them bumping towards theirs. He thought he could enjoy now, but hears the voice again,

_"What would it be like to hang out in the city with you?"_ he stopped, pushing the woman in front of him.

He felt his stomach churn, his heart beating wildly as he heard the voice again. It maybe because he's high from the alcohol, but it definitely sent shivers to his body, his mind remembering a scene he thought he has forgotten. "I'm sorry, but I need to go." he said, turning his back to the lady he was making out with a minute ago. He went back to their table, the untouched whiskey in one go, hoping it would make the throbbing from his chest go away. He drank more, making him go wasted than he was even before he heard the voice. And the next thing he knew was he was getting carried towards a car, just after everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this :)


	8. Chapter 7: Youth

#### Chapter 7: Youth

_A month after, year 2020_

_"Do you love flowers that much?"  
he stares at the guy in front of him, as cold breeze touch his skin, his head spinning, the familiarity of this scene making his stomach turn. He tried to run away, leaving the figure of the boy behind. For years, he haven't thought of the guy who once made his heart pound, forcing his self to forget him. But all of his efforts gone wasted when he heard the guy's voice a few weeks ago._

_"...are you new here?" the boy's voice echoes louder as he runs away farther from him. He felt the ground reaching for his feet, tying him up. His chest rising and falling heavily as he search for air to fill up his lungs, his sweat wetting his old shirt. Everything seemed to be in halt, and he's unable to move, trapped with the boy who he wanted to forget but he just can't. He forced his self to walk, but the universe ain't in favor of him._

Off wakes up, sweat dripping from his skin as his body warms up. After that night in the bar, the memories of him and the boy keeps resurfacing in his dreams, like a nightmare, not allowing him to sleep, reminding him of the unfinished business they both still have from before. He thought he had forgotten, but then again, it seemed like he was just fooling his self, afraid to admit that he still remember him, maybe not everything, but he remember bits of the boy, afraid to confirm what he felt for the latter at that time and everything for him is still fresh, with questions that he had for years, wanting them to be answered by the guy he used to spend the summer with.

He stands up to get himself a glass of water to calm his insides as he goes back to bed, this time trying to sleep without being disturbed by the figures of his _first love_.

* * *

**_Summer, 2007_ **

****

****

Vacation for Off officially ended as he sees his luggage now downstairs, ready to be picked and placed in the family car. He asked his mum to delay their departure, as he wait for the guy who told him he'd come to see him before he leave to go back home. 

"Off sweetie, how many minutes should we wait? We'll be stucked in traffic if we stay longer." his mum said, giving him an apologetic eyes as she instructs him to bid his farewell to his grandma and granddad. He's now on his way to the backseat, with his mood completely ruined. His dad started the car and was definitely ready to go when they were stopped by a shout from a boy who came by running and panting, inhaling deeply to fill his lungs with air. 

"Off, wait!" Gun said again, finally standing up straight with much better breathing. Off's dad gave him a signal to go out and see his friend for the last time this year. 

"What took you so long. You were the one who instructed me to wait." he complained, standing tall in front of the latter who's face dripping of sweat, cheeks turned into a red mess after all of the running. "Well, I just thought, things really get so boring during school days. So how about-- 

"Off honey, please be quick, we're getting behind the sched." Off's mom yelled from the car, again apologetic to both of the guys. "How-about-we-exchange-messages? Here's my number. Now off you go silly old man." the shorter guy said all of that in a quick pace, being considerate of his mum's request, and at the same time, trying to hide away the shyness that he feels from asking the latter to exchange messages with him during school year. It was an unspoken rule between them not to talk after summer, and they don't even know why too but they just didn't bother asking each other's number. 

They thought it was gonna be the same this year, but after their conversation at the field that night, something definitely has changed. And the thought of Gun waiting for the next summer just to talk and see the guy slowly creeps his mind, inner voice telling him to go and risk his pride just to continue talking to the guy who made his inside churn and go wild. 

Off runs back to the car, his heart at it again. He faced Gun again, as his dad starts the engine of the car. "Don't forget to message me, idiot!" Gun shouted, making him chuckle with the gesture the short guy just did. "I won't!" he shouted back, now finally sitting properly at the back, staring at the piece of paper Gun gave him with a grin in his face. He just knew by then, this school year won't be the same as the previous ones. 

* * *

The first month of school passed by quickly, as Off was starting to get busy with school stuff. He wanted to work on things early, he was always hands on the things that includes studying and grades, so most of the time he forgets the things he's supposed to do that is not school related. 

It was 2:23 A.M., the cold air from the air conditioner touching his skin, his attention completely on the book in front of him, hands tracing the words written on the page, trying to input everything in his head. He was already so focused on studying, that the vibration from his phone that was placed next to him made him jump. He placed down his pen and picked up his phone, seeing the flood messages from Arm. 

****_Arm: Off, are you still awake?  
Off: Yeah, what's up?  
Arm: You gotta help us tomorrow.  
Off: Why don't you read your notes first. You ask me for notes. Time to use it now pal.  
Arm: I'm really lazy right now. Anyway help me tomorrow, bye bye now gotta sleep!_ ** **

He placed his phone down, screen facing the surface of the table. He noticed a small piece of paper inserted at the back of his phone cover. He removed the cover out of curiosity to see what was written in there. It was only then that he remembered the small guy from the province who he promised to message right after he arrived home. His heart pounded wildly as he typed the guy's number on his phone. _"He'll definitely give me an earful."_ he whispered to himself as he typed "shorty" as the contact name, pressing the save button to register the number on his phone. 

He leaned back to his chair, completely forgetting that he's reviewing. He was now occupied with what he could message Gun that won't sound so awkward. In the end, he ended up sending the lamest message he could ever think of. 

****_Off: Hey.  
: It's Off._ ** **

He stared at the screen, slightly hoping the latter would reply. But it's 2:30 A.M. so he was kind of losing hope of receiving a fast reply from him. He once again placed his phone down, now going back to the books scattered in his table. He started memorizing words again as if it was prayers. An hour or so passed and he was getting sleepy, when his phone suddenly vibrated. 

He felt the familiar beating made by his heart when the guy is near him. He opened the message from sender "shorty",the thought of talking to his province friend making his cheeks go red. 

****_shorty: Wow, it took you a month to finally send me a message._ ** **

Pause. He stared at the reply with his head empty. He constructed few replies but still nothing sounded less awkward for him. He ended up apologizing to the latter. 

****_Off: Yeah, I'm sorry 'bout that. I was busy with stuff here.  
: So how are you?_ ** **

Everything around Off seemed to pause. With just one message, he can feel the presence of the guy even it he's kilometers away from him. Images of Gun smiling emerges from the latter's head. His eyes that sparkles whenever he does something that he likes, his soft hands grabbing Off, taking him to places. He slowly admitted to himself that he always admired every little thing the short guy does, and that it maybe, somehow, be more than that admiration now. 

He was once again disturbed from his chain of thoughts when he felt his phone vibrate again. 

****_shorty: im fine but im mad at you.  
: i thought you won't really message me and I'll have to wait another year to talk to you._ ** **

Pause. He felt his stomach churn, his insides completely going wild. He placed his phone again on the table, placing both of his hands to his face, feeling the coldness from it. He closed his eyes as he try to calm his heart. He thought of what to say and yet again he's distracted with what the latter guy said. 

_"I thought you won't message me and I'll have to wait another year to talk to you."_

_"I'll have to wait another year to talk to you."_

****

****

_"I'll have to wait..."_

_"He's waiting for me?"_ he whispered to himself, feeling his ears burn and turn red. He reached for his phone and read the message again. _"He really is waiting for me."_ he said again, feeling enthusiastic as he repeat it in his head. He thought again of what to reply, carefully not to sound too giggly or shy or awkward. 

****_Off: I've been busy with stuff, but i messaged now._ ** **

****sent** **

He read again his reply, _"No this is not it."_ he thought, his fingers now in panic, typing the very first thought that came in to his mind, 

****_Off: I mean, you have my number now, you can talk to me anytime.  
: I'd be glad to talk to you._ ** **

****sent** **

****_shorty: didn't you say you were busy? i don't wanna disturb you._ ** **

****_Off: I'd make time for you.  
: but for now, i gotta sleep. exams tomorrow. good night, talk to you tomorrow._ ** **

While Off happily closes his phone, he's heart completely gone wild with their exchange of messages, Gun on the other side was on pause, Off's words taken him aback, his head unable to process immediately what the latter just said to him from kilometers away. 

_"I'd make time for you."_

_"I'd make time for you."_

_"I'd make time for you."_

"Off Jumpol, what did you do to me?" he whispered to himself as he held his phone close to his chest, falling asleep with a confused but happy heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been really busy but im trying to keep up with my weekly updates. thank you for waiting and reading and i hope you enjoyed this one!


	9. Chapter 8: Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> refer to chapter 6

#### Chapter 8: Him

_That same random day, Year 2020  
(A flashback to chapter 6)_

"We already reminded the staff of the engineer at work to send us a copy of the blueprint so that you can review it. I've also booked an appointment for you to discuss in full the area and the building."

He listened intently to the woman, who was his secretary that has been reporting to him for the past 10 minutes now. He sipped his coffee, its slight bitterness enveloping his taste buds, the warmth reaching his empty stomach that's been rumbling since he arrived at 7 A.M in the firm. He looked down at the iPad in his hands, reviewing his schedule for the week. He has been busy for a month now since bagging a big project, which is, the extension building of a well known company. 

"Okay, about the client, I want you to book an appointment for us to discuss the pieces and materials that we'll be using. Make sure to book it after we meet with the engineer and architect at work." he dictated, his secretary typing in his words, making sure to highlight specific instructions given by her boss. 

As his secretary walks out of his office, the guy then unbuttoned the first button of his white suit, exposing a little of his chest. He stands and walked towards the mini fridge, praying he'd have something left from yesterday for him to eat now-- only to be disappointed as he sees the bottles of water fill the fridge. He was about to grab the company phone to call for a delivery when his personal phone vibrated. Delight on his face was now evident as he saw who the caller was, answering the phone with much enthusiasm more than how he talked to his secretary moments ago.

**caller: Rise and shine, gunny!  
gun: you are a blessing, Mild. I'm hungry as hell send me something to eat.  
Mild: Am I your grab driver or something now? HA-HA-HA  
gun: C'mon you called me anyway might as well help me out. People in the firm are way too busy to entertain my personal needs.  
Mild: Fine. ugh  
Gun: why did you call by the way?  
mild: well, I was gonna invite you to the site. The client wants us to go and check out the building.  
gun: oh, perfect, I was asking the engineer at work for the blueprint, so this would be nice too.  
mild: So see you tomorrow! and ugh wait for your food I already ordered you some brunch you sneaky little bitch.  
gun: I love you too mild. Bye!**

He hanged up with a grin across his face. He and Mild has been friends since college, and he was glad he was working with the lady. She's good at what she does, at the same time, knows to have fun, so much similar to who Gun is. He was a hard-working guy, but not workaholic. He goes out every now and then with friends, being professional the next day even when the hangover was killing him. He has been doing this for 3 years now, and probably it's one of the best time of his life.

He continued to sip his coffee that was now a bit more cold, as he turn his swivel chair to see the view at the back of him. The big glass window exposed to him the busy morning streets of Bangkok. He stood up, looking down at the glass window. Everything was small, and he was above them, out of reach from anyone below. He looked back to his journey, remembering his struggles before achieving what he has now. There was so much to forget about his past as much as the memories he wanted to remember. But one thing's for sure, he'd remember his teenage summer years as an unforgettable, precious memory for him.

* * *

The heat from the sun was pretty intense, as Mild and Gun walked towards the company personnel sent by the company as their representative. He and Mild talked about the lay outs, the exit areas, electrical placements and such while frying their selves under the scorching sun. The umbrella Gun was holding wasn't enough to prevent his skin from slightly getting burnt. They walked towards the entrance, getting a shade from a big tree. Gun couldn't help but sigh, reaching for his handkerchief inside his pocket. He wiped the sweat that has formed in his forehead all while looking at Mild who's face now a little redder than a while ago, also because of the intense temperature. 

They were now just resting in silence, observing the people working, running around the area, climbing up the stairs, workers doing some final paints for the walls inside the lobby. The company staff they were with before came back with a bottle of cold water, which both Gun and Mild gladly accepted. 

They resumed their tour around the area, Mild taking note of the landscape area to discuss with the guy beside him when they go back to the office. Gun was also busy taking notes in his minds, occasionally talking to the workers he crossed path with. One worker, probably on the age of 40- 45, asked him his name, amused by how the man looked so young to be working for a big project like this. 

"I go by the name Gun. Nice meeting you." he said, smiling widely at the man who was still amused by his young looks. Gun just chuckled, now excusing his self to catch up with Mild who seemed to be deeply indulged with work now, her notepad full of notes, not wanting to miss any single ideas her mind's giving her now.

* * *

It was already dark when they got back to the firm. Gun went straight to his office, turning on the lampshade beside his table. He faced the big glass behind him. The city lights were blinding, but it was beautiful to watch. The view from below made him zone out. He was completely unaware now of what's happening around him, as Mild enter his office, with the guy only noticing her presence when she joined him in looking at the busy streets of Bangkok.

"What are you thinking?" the lady asked, folding her hand close to her chest. "You seemed to be stressed. What's wrong?" she asked again, looking at the guy beside her who was silent, then she faced back to the window. "Nothing, just work stuff." Gun answered, facing Mild with a smile plastered to his face, reassuring his friend that he was fine.

"Let's stop thinking about work now it's beyond working hours. Why don't we go and have fun tonight? It's been so long since the last time!" she excitedly said, facing Gun while clinging onto his arms, like a kid convincing her parent to buy her the stuff she wanted. Gun was a little hesitant at first, he didn't even know why, maybe their work consumed his energy. But then, Mild was a good talker, convincing him in the end to go with her.

The loud music greeted the two, as they make their way inside the nightclub. The smell of alcohol and sweat mixing up, but the two was unbothered, completely used to this kind of smell and atmosphere. They sat in one of the chairs, immediately ordering their usual drinks. 

After a few glasses of hard drinks and beer, Gun felt hot, making him unbotton the first 2 buttons of his suit. Mild was in the center, swaying her body with the loud music. Gun on the other hand remained in his seat, with him randomly receiving drinks from people only for him to reject it. He doesn't drink drinks from stranger, it's his no.1 club rule. 

A few more glasses and he was now high, his sleeves now rolled up to his elbow, cheeks gone red with the alcohol in his system. He was now making his way to the center, joining Mild and the other strangers, dancing their hearts out. It was good thing that he had no meetings for the next day, if he had any, he'd be totally doomed with the hangover. They stayed like that for hours, with Mild having to call the no.1 person on Gun's contact list.

**_"Hey, it's Mild. Can you fetch us? We're at the club across the firm."_**

****

**_"How's Gun?"_ **

****

**_"Wasted. Hehehe Please, please pick us."_ **

****

**_"I'm on my way."_ **

Mild ended the call, putting back the guy's phone to his pocket. He was on the table, silently dozing off, the alcohol finally kicking in after hours of drinking.

"Thank God you're here. He's really heavy you know?" Mild said to the guy who just arrived to fetch them. He carried Gun to the front seat, while Mild helped him put the guy's things to the backseat. "Just go and take him home, I'll just drive his car. I left mine at the company." she stated, "Take care of him." she waved her goodbyes now while walking toward Gun's car.

It was indeed a long night for the guy, as he was now carried back to his own home, him now at his bedroom sleeping silently with the guy who fetched him cleaning him up, making sure he was comfortable while resting.

* * *

_Summer, 2008_

It was windy, the sun shining above but not that harsh to them. The two boys were marching towards the grassy plain not too far from the shorter guy's house. They sat down, feeling the dirt stick to their pants but not minding it anyway. Off felt his heart go crazy again as he remember the very same thing happen last summer: he and the guy beside him laying down in the same grassy plain, while watching the stars shine above them. It was like deja vu, only thing that was different now was that it was day time, and their feelings for each other. The short guy on the other hand, was nervous too. He placed his hands to his face only to feel the coldness of it, despite the warm temperature. They were both just sitting there, appreciating the beauty of the clouds, residing under a tree for a shade, not bothered with the air blowing towards their faces and skin.

"Do you really like the sky that much?" Off asked all while staring at the guy beside him, his eyes sparkling, sun light reflecting to it. The guy smiled, making Off's heart skip a beat. He felt his cheek burn again. He looked away to prevent the latter from seeing his face, waiting for him to respond.

"The sky reminded me of you." the shorter confessed, making Off look at him again, this time the confusion in his expression visible. "What does that mean? he thought. "It reminds me that we live under the same sky, tho we're miles away, but still it means I still have the chance of meeting you again." he continued, facing Off who's now cheeks slightly red, the guy completely taken aback of the sudden remarks of the short guy.

"It was always fun spending summer with you." Gun continued again, while Off remained silent, as he was afraid he would stutter if he responded to the latter.

"And it was always quiet here without you. Good thing we started to message each other last year." 

"Yeah, we were too late to realize that we could actually talk even when summer's done." Off replied, his words making Gun chuckle. He too realized how dumb they were for not asking each other's number, or even any sns. 

"If we meet again, I'll tell you something interesting."

"Can't you just tell me now?" curiosity creeping him as they walk in the grassy plain of the province." Where's the fun if I'm gonna tell you now?" the shorter boy replied, looking at him with a wide smile across his glowing face, maybe the reflection of the sun. "It's you whose spoiling the fun. It's our last day of summer, I'd be curious the whole school year." Off grunted as he wipe the sweat that has been forming in his forehead. The shorter boy just chuckled, having a great time teasing the older one.

"Exactly. It's our last day of summer. You'll have something to look forward to for the next year." 

_"Then we'll definitely meet again."_ Off said, turning his head to look at Gun who was staring at him too, both cheeks now slightly burned, and it was not because of the sun. A smile plastered to both of their faces as they continued walking, Off dropping the latter to his home, and him heading back home to prepare his things before he goes back to the city for the new school year.

"See you next summer, Gun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to anyone who's reading this bs, hope u enjoy this one <3


	10. Chapter 9: I'm dreaming of you again.

#### Chapter 9: I’m dreaming of you again.

_A day in June, Year 2020: Present_

_“If we meet again, I’ll tell you something interesting.”_

Off woke up, heart beating faster than ever. He always dreamt about these words, without knowing when he heard this or who told him. But tonight, memories flooded his head, as if everything happened yesterday. The feelings he had when he was with the boy, who came with the name Gun, resurfaced, his heart in the panic of the sudden realization that maybe the boy’s promise was the reason behind the dreams he’s been having of him, or even sometimes hallucinating that the short boy was around. Or was he just hallucinating? 

For months he was trying to sweep away the thoughts he’s been having about the boy, doing his best to bury him again in the deepest part of his memory box, not wanting to open it again. But somehow, Off thinks, the universe seems to have something for them, or maybe just for him. Because now, he wanted to see him. He wanted to meet the boy after a decade of not having any news from him. Suddenly he was curious about what happened, and why he left, without any trace from that summer. Even when he tried to contact the latter, he was like a bubble that popped and disappeared into the thin air like he never existed. And Off was hurt because for him, they were starting to build something in between, and he was gonna lie if he’d said he wasn’t looking forward to the summer just to spend time with the boy. He prayed for the school year to end just to meet him in the province. But like every story, it has its end. And sadly, at that time, their story, which barely even started, ended with Gun disappearing completely from his life.

* * *

Off sat in his swivel chair, spinning it multiple times until he felt dizzy. He stopped and watched the clock hanging beside the shelf in his house office. It’s already 2 o’clock in the morning, one of those many sleepless nights he started to have when he decided to look for the boy. A month has passed and the only thing he knew about the boy is that he was called Gun. He searched for him in the internet, hoping one of his mutual knows the guy, but unfortunately, with the dozens of accounts named Gun, not one was the person he was looking for. He tried hiring detectives, only for them to say that his nickname won’t be enough lead for them. A month has passed and he was running out of ideas of how to find him. 

“I need you to go to your grandma’s house to pick up some things for me. And it’s also time for you to visit her again.” Off’s mom was on the phone, convincing- or more likely commanding him to go to her grandma’s house in the province. “I want you to take a break too. Your secretary told me you’ve been working non-stop. Think of this as a mini-vacay, okay hun?” she ones again said, the line now suddenly silent as she waited for her son, who was having second thoughts of saying yes because agreeing to her means he got to go back to the place where remnants of the past and traces of the boy were everywhere, every corner of the province. “I’m busy, can’t you just go by yourself or hire someone to go and pick it up for you?” he protested, trying to win this case over his mom, which still ended up him agreeing since his mom started to pick fights with him.

* * *

He was just complaining the other day about his mum asking him to come to the province, but now here he is, staring at the beautiful field he once explored before. Everything was the same, his grandmum’s house standing in front of a vast field, trees from a far visible to the eyes. His eyes lingered longer, trying to recall some memories, and as far as he thought back, his memories were filled with him hanging out with the boy who once resided in the very same province. 

After packing some stuff and spending time with his grandma, Off decided to once again tour around the area. The longer he walks down the grassy plain, the more traces of him from every summer he saw him resurface. He’s been searching for him for a month now, and still got no clues of his whereabouts. Every time he felt like he’s near him, something goes off the track, making him go back to square one. Going back to the very place where they used to spend time together felt much harder for him. Frustrations filling him up, but he can’t do anything just yet but to search for him some more.

He continued walking, not minding the cold breeze that’s now touching his skin, making him shiver. He arrives at the cottage where they used to stay in after a long day of walks and runs and plays. As he stared at the wooden cottage, he slowly sees the changes time has done to the very place that made him feel alive; the walls having small holes, the roof not in the best condition, probably because of the harsh weather it has come through. Leaves from the trees now scattered everywhere. One thing that hasn’t change is the fact that in front of this now-old cottage is the calm lake. It must have been that it was quiet and dark, but he started seeing the short boy again. He was sitting in the rock just beside the lake, throwing pebbles at the calm waters, the wind blowing his hair softly, exposing his forehead. He faced at Off and smiled, making Off’s heart flutter yet once again. Even in his hallucinations of the short boy, he never failed to make Off’s heart beat wildly, just like the times they both spent together.

* * *

It was morning the next day, and Off is now back in Bangkok. He was expecting the day would go very smoothly as usual, with him still on the search for the guy in his teenage summer. He was in his client’s conference room, preparing for a meeting they’d have for the finalization of things before the construction ends. He was busy before, and the search for the boy made him even busier. He was occupied with his work that he did not notice Tay entering the conference hall, who was bringing the blueprints with him.

“Engr. Off, you’re early.” He asked. “How is it going?”

“Really good, tho this is really stressful but I’m hanging in just fine.” The latter replied, a smile plastered in his face despite the tired eyes evident due to the lack of sleep for the past days.

“Hey, I heard Engr. Arm was the one who recommended the interior designer for the extension building.” 

“Yes, Mr. Gunsmile asked for some recommendations from him, and he has a lot of connections to well-known designers, so I trust he’s gonna do well with the picking.”

After the short exchange of words, both gentlemen were back to their own works, with Off reading the documents handed to him and Tay rechecking the areas to be discussed later with the client.

The room was quiet, the only noise was the ticking of the clock and the loud air conditioning system in the room, when Off heard a familiar voice, making the insides of his ear ring. He felt his stomach turn as he looked at the guy his boss just brought in; it was the very same guy he’s been looking for a month now.

“Everyone meet Mr. Atthaphan Phunsawat, he’s our interior designer for the extension building.” Off stared at the guy his boss just introduced. He felt his skin shiver again, upon hearing the unfamiliar name with a familiar face. His eyes lingered to the stranger in the room, contemplating whether if his hunch were right about the guy.

“You can call me Atp. It’s nice meeting you all.”

His name was unfamiliar and yet, Off felt the familiar effect the boy has always given him even back in their teenage summer years. Tay who was beside Off noticed the shocked expression of the latter. “Engr. Off, are you okay?” he whispered. Off’s thoughts halted as he responded to the concerned friend. “I’m fine Mr. Tawan, I just remembered something.” He responded, his expression now shifted to an amused one as he continued to stare at the guy who was now seated in front of him.

* * *

“My secretary already sent the design plan with the materials my team wants to use for the entire lobby interior. As for the emergency plan, we’ll send the copy next week.” Off stared at the guy who calls himself Atp who was presenting his plans as the meeting draw towards its end. Talking about work distracted him of his thoughts for the past two hours. 

“For now, let’s wait for the final signal from the construction team before the interior design team starts their job. Meeting adjourned.” Mr. Gunsmile ended the serious talking, approaching the short guy to finalize the next schedule for their talk. Off watched the two converse, the shorter guy’s expression switching from time to time, matching the expressions of their boss who was talking to him. 

Minutes passed and finally, their boss walks out of the conference room, followed by Atp who was on his phone. Off followed the guy until they reached the elevator, the two of them the only ones inside. Off felt his stomach churn, his whole system panicking just with the guy’s presence. Even with the unfamiliar name, he was certain it was the person who kept on appearing in his dreams despite him hiding their memories deep behind his mind. His thoughts were shifting from one to the other, confused on how to start a conversation with the guy beside him. The bell rang and the elevator door opened, revealing the basement parking area that Off didn’t notice was the guy’s destination. 

Before Atp could reach his car, he felt a hand touching his skin, grabbing his arm with a little force in it.

“Who the hell—Mr. Adulkittiporn? What the hell are you doing?” Atp asked, still in shock of what just happened. Off on the other hand was frozen on his spot. He was staring directly to the shorter guy’s eyes, like he was entering right through the guy’s soul, wanting to let him know what he has been thinking the moment he entered that conference hall. He couldn’t find the right words to start. He just stood there, his hand still holding the latter’s arm. “What do you need?” the shorter guy’s eyebrows now furrowed, the lack of response from the guy slowly irritating him. 

“Look, if you have nothing to tell, then let me—”

“Do you remember me?”

“Of course, you’re the engineer assigned to this project.”

“No I meant—do you remember me, Gun?”

Off felt his tongue sting as he say the name he has been avoiding for years. The shorter guy on the other hand showed no emotion as he stare back at the latter. Off was about to say something when Atp’s phone rang, breaking the tension in between them. 

“Yes I am on my way, see you.”  
He ended the call, looking up back to Off who was looking at him.

“I have to go, I don’t have time for this.” He continued walking until he reached his car, finally drifting away from Off’s sight. The taller man just stood there.

For him, it looks like he’s not gonna be searching for a guy called Gun now, because the figures of the boy he was looking for has appeared in front of him, unfamiliar name but with a face he admits he never forgot, and just like that, Off felt alive again.

* * *

_9:20 PM- The same day_

“No I meant—do you remember me, Gun?”

The very same words kept on repeating on his head. After long years, he cannot believe he finally met the guy who he lost contact with for a decade now. The stares the man gave him back then were like knives, stabbing him with feelings he thought he has long forgotten. It hurted, but he wasn’t gonna lie, seeing the guy amused him. He thought, he grew well to look like this- and he’s an engineer now too. He never thought the world was small until he walked inside that conference hall only to see the familiar face he never actually forgot.

His train of thoughts now halted, finally reaching its destination.

“I do remember you, Off.” He felt his skin burn as he whispers those words into the air as if it was the man who just asked him the question hours ago.

_“I never actually forgot about you.”_ He whispered again, as he felt his phone vibrate from his pocket. He picked it up to check who was calling.

**_My star… calling_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there! if you reached this note then thank you so much for reading this fic! i haven't been active in updating on time bec offgun broke me ever since atp's bday and I've been busy with the streaming as well.... I'll try to go back to my sched ones I find the opportunity. Thank you again so much and let me hear your reactions for this chapter <3


	11. Chapter 10: I'm running towards you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Actually by Ang Bandang Shirley
> 
> To ABS,  
> Thank you for giving us good music.
> 
> Ps: The song i used was released in 2017? or 2018... off was listening to it in 2007 so imagine that the song was released somewhere in 2007 or earlier. (for fictional purposes)

#### Chapter 10: I'm running towards you.

_July, Year 2020_

"You'll be meeting Mr. Adulkittiporn on 24th for the site inspection, and Ms. Mild's secretary called to inform you that she won't be with you during the inspection, she'll talk to you herself for the details." 

Gun was in his swivel chair, signing papers while listening to his schedule for the next days. Everything at work is going smoothly, with their project nearing to it's completion. Off never bothered him again after their encounter in the parking lot almost a month ago, well except for the subtle gazes the guy gives him that makes his heart pound. 

He surely remember the guy, but he has no guts on confessing that the memory of them from a decade ago was still in his head, as if it just happened yesterday. He feels guilty, leaving him suddenly when he knew the guy expected him the next summer. But what else could he do? For him, at that time, he was still so young and naive to even argue to his parents. He surely has his reason for suddenly disappearing, but he thought it was not the time for him to explain or maybe, he was too late to do so.

* * *

"Mild, c'mon you can resched that. Just come with me." Gun was standing in front of Mild's desk in her office, whining to her for not going to the inspection. The least that Gun wanted now was to spend time alone with the guy who he's been trying so hard to avoid.

"Gun, this is important for me. I waited for this interview I'm not gonna ruin their impression to me." she said, crossing her arms at the guy whose brows now furrowed. "And besides, you don't have to worry about working alone, Engr. Off will be there with you." she added whilst looking back to the paperwork in front of her.

"Exactly! He's there with me." Gun complained.

"And so? What's the problem?" Mild asked, which made Gun stop. For a minute he forgot that Mild has no idea with his past with Off. He calmed down and stopped his whining, being careful now or he might spill anything to her.

"Well, we don't go along that well I just want someone to be there other than him." yes, a lame excuse from Gun.

"Or, you could ask him to go with you to work. He can always make time for you." Mild suggested, getting Gun's attention. "Him? Who..?"

"Your star." Mild looked at him with a teasing smile.

"No, not good," he replied, shaking his head as if Mild suggested a disaster.

"I'm confused, I need a breather." he continued. 

"Then, I'm sorry Mr. Atp,..." Mild teasing him with his office nickname, "...but you will have to go to work alone with Engr.Off." Gun knew he can't do anything about this now, so he just sat down thinking how to not act suspiciously while working with the guy.

* * *

_July 24th, Year 2020_

It was 10 A.M. , and yet it felt like the sun didn't rise at all because of the heavy rain, making the atmosphere gloomy. The air-conditioner at Off's place was off but then, he felt cold, perhaps because it's raining? or was it because the name of the guy he's been secretly looking at whenever they meet at work, was at his phone screen, his phone ringing because the latter was calling him. It still didn't sink in with him that he'd be working alone now with Gun, tho the guy never gave him the confirmation that he was indeed the same guy Off used to spend with the summer of his youth, Off was confident enough to call him by his childhood nickname in his head from time to time.

"Engr. Off, are we still gonna push through today?" the guy asked the moment he answered the call. "Depends on you, sir. I'm okay with anything." he answered whilst playing with his car keys. "We will have to push through today,I am not free for the rest of the week. I'm so sorry." Gun explained, making Off's heart skip a beat upon hearing the guy apologize, familiar, he thought. "It's okay, then I'll see you at the site?"

* * *

Off arrived at the site first, assuming that when he didn't see the short man who he was supposed to meet with. He walked and roamed around with the umbrella in his right hand. He scanned the area, greeting the workers who were sheltering their selves from the rain from time to time. Minutes have passed already when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He picked it up upon reading the guy's message to him.

**_AtP: I'm here Mr. Adulkittiporn. Where are you?_ **

Pause.

Memories of his youth suddenly flooded his mind, remembering the days he'd exchange messages with the guy. It always excite him when he see his name on the phone screen, their exchange of messages was like them catching up with each other in between the months they weren't meeting each other. Behind the small screen was a smile from the two young boys, with thousand of words sent and a couple of unsent ones which were the feelings they tried to confess but chose to put it on drafts, wishing someday it would see the light of the day and be sent to the other line.

* * *

_Mid School Year, 2007_

_The distance from your eyes_

_Is too far for you to realize_

_That the only way to make you see_

_Is to actually let me_

_Words that light up in your device_

_Will never in a million years suffice_

_The only way to make you understand_

_Is to actually hold my hand_

The song from a Filipino band was blasting in Off's ears, drowning himself with the lyrics of it. He had to search its thai translation just to understand it but he failed to find one, good thing he found a friend who could speak the language and translated it for him.

Half of the school year has passed, the cold breeze starting to envelop Bangkok as the Christmas season nears. It also had been months since he and Gun started talking on the phone, staying awake 'til 3 A.M to talk about school, life or anything trivial. Off found himself texting the guy every time he got free-- or he would just free himself just to talk with the short guy who's miles away from him. It was also the same with Gun, finding himself waiting for the guy's message- or sometimes calling him if the guy took too long to message than the usual time he does.

**_Gun: Hey, u awake?_ **

sent

**_CityBoy: I'm awake, just reviewing._ **

****

**_Gun: Ohhhh_ **

****

**_CityBoy: Miss me?_ **

Pause. Gun felt his cheek heat up, his heart abnormally pounding again because of the guy. He knew what he felt, but he didn't know what Off thought of him. So moments like this-- or jokes like this from Off always caught him off guard.

**CityBoy: Cuz i do. ******

Pause. Off was as cold as ice after sending that. He knew what he felt but he was too scared to be judged, or too scared to be rejected. He never asked Gun about who he liked, he was never sure and he never assumed but he was sure, that since last summer, everything was different. For him, Gun always was different from a friend-- he just realized it too late or so. 

****_shorty: what do you think?_ ** **

****_Off: I dunno, what are you thinking?_ ** **

****_shorty: Wont tell you ja~_ ** **

And the night for them continued, as they exchange messages just like the other nights that they do, calling the other, while messages of confession remained to be drafts, never reaching the other line. 

* * *

Off was snapped back to reality as the figure of a short guy appears in front of him. 

"Engr. Off, I'm so sorry the traffic was really bad." the guy apologized as soon as he saw Off waiting by the shelter. 

"No sir it's fine. I just arrived as well." he replied. He lost track of time thinking about his youth with the guy in front of him, who still does not recognize him at all, or does he really not remember him? "Let's go now?" AtP broke the silence, leading the way towards the building they'll be inspecting. 

They checked out walls, rooms and roofs, side by side. Sometimes, their hands touch slightly when the area gets crowded with busy workers. They notice but act they don't to avoid awkwardness while working. The other sometimes throw subtle glances too, without the other one noticing. And when Off guides Gun down the unfinished stair, it makes Gun jolt, feeling the warmth of his cheeks despite the cold weather. 

It was still raining when they finished the building inspection. Off who just came down alone saw Atp who was still in the lobby. 

"You're still here?" he approached the guy, who immediately turned to him. "Yeah, I forgot to bring my umbrella." he replied, looking up to the sky with an annoyed face. "God, I hate it when it rains." 

"Well, I guess I'll have to run towards my car now. See you." the short guy was about to run when someone held his fist to stop him from running. It was Off. 

"Wait-- you... can go with me. I have my umbrella here." he said, showing the umbrella he was holding all while they were working. 

"No, it's okay I can manage--" 

"I insist sir." he insisted. AtP was about to argue again but Off was already dragging him closer to him, locking his arms to the guy to make sure he was not gonna get wet. They started to walk now, with Atp or Gun just looking at the man who's embracing him at his side. If only the beating of the heart is loud enough to be heard by someone who's just inches away then Off would have heard his heart now. The grip of the guy tightened as they speed up toward Gun's car. He found his self flustered, but in no way in hell he's gonna admit that to the guy. 

"Thanks." he said, opening his car door. "You're always welcome." Off replied, while staring at Gun. 

The rain was sympathizing with them, pouring down as they continue to hide what they truly feel even years after. Just like how their confession was drafted to the mail and was never sent, a decade after it was still actually the same. 

Gun broke the tension and turned back to the guy, finally going inside the car. He was gripping hard the steering wheel as he looks at Off who was walking away from his car now. He was snapped out of his thinking when he received a message. 

**My star: So you met him already.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! ive been really out of it, but i feel better now sjjjjsjsshsi i may update slow but I'm never leaving this story unfinished that's for sure HAHHAHAAHH enjoy


	12. Chapter 11: Where are you?

#### Chapter 11: Where are you?

Months have passed now, the construction of the building now nearing its completion. The engineers and architects also non-stop checking every corner of the building, coordinating with the interior designer team-- which means that Off and Gun often meet nowadays for work. The awkwardness between them now gone, with Off not pushing Gun into making him admit about their youth memories which the latter pretended not to remember and know at all. Over the months, both guys who happened to have a bad start when they first met turned to something more civil-- they actually treated each other as friends---or could it be more? They often go out now together with the other engineers and staff who's working with them these past months. The two guys sometimes share a ride after a rainy inspection, with Off being the driver most of the time. 

No matter how hard it was, Gun admitted to himself that everything between them right now is okay. The exchange of glances and smiles in between work or night out with friends not making them awkward unlike before. He thought of telling the guy that he totally remembers him but his courage backs out when he remembers why he hid it in the first place.

And for Off, he doesn't know if they're flirting or not, but one thing is he surely likes what they have in between them. The little boy from before and the man who basically is sitting in his car right now after a rainy inspection makes his heart race just like before.

"So, are going home now?" Off's chain of thoughts disappeared when Gun spoke suddenly. This became their routine somehow when they go home together after an inspection. Off faced Gun, staring at the guy as if he was that toy in the toy store he badly wanted. He changed his gaze to the guy's eyes which were staring at him, waiting for him to respond. 

"Engr. Off, are you okay?" Gun asked, his brows furrowed, confused with the former's weird action. 

"What were you saying again?"  
he smiled nervously as he shake away his thoughts about the guy.  
He felt his face turn red as Gun moves closer to him, with his hands on Off's forehead-- he was checking the guy's temperature.

"Are you okay? Your face is so red. Perhaps it's because of the bad weather. We should go home now." the small guy said, as he continuously tap the back of his hand to Off's forehead, then under his chin trying to figure out his temperature.

"No, I'm fine. I really am." Off defended, reaching for Gun's hand to remove it from his face.

"Do you wanna go somewhere?" he changed the topic as Gun was trying to argue back. Gun was left with no choice but to sigh, resting his back to his chair as he look intently to Off, who's eyes were just staring back at him softly. Silence came to the car as they just stare at each other.

Gun broke what seemed to be a staring contest and shifted his attention to the window, where the remnants of the rain that just stopped drops from the roof of the car down to the window where Gun was sitting.

"I was gonna ask you to eat dinner with me. But are you sure you're fine? We can just go home anyway." 

"I am totally fine. I can drop you off in your office after." Off started the engine and adjusted his self properly, his left hand on the steering wheel while his right hand holding his phone, typing something.

"So where do you want to go? I have these places in mind. Would you like to check it out?" he handed his phone to Gun who was now looking at him, a smile plastered to his face as he points out the place.

In the end, they decided to drop their fancy choices for dinner and went instead to the market in the heart of the city. Markets in Bangkok are usually more alive at night, where stores open and people actually come from places just to visit and stroll the area. It wasn't as fancy as the one in the malls but for the two guys in working clothes, their sleeves rolled up to the elbow while they talk endlessly about random things, this market is more than enough. Suddenly they were teenagers again, strolling the heart of the city with no plans in mind. They stopped cart to cart to check out what the vendors were selling and then they continued to walk, sometimes skipping or running like they were racing towards a shop. 

It was already 10 P.M and they decided to actually find a place where they can rest and eat dinner as well. It seemed like they were not the same guys from a minute ago as they slowed down the pace of their walking, appreciating the atmosphere and the vibes of the market. Their eyes were wondering, Gun sometimes stopping his gaze at the series lights hanged on some of the carts. They were strolling the streets, side by side, with their hands sometimes touching the other which sent volts of what seemed to be a rush of feelings to them. And yet they ignore this feeling, afraid of ruining things that are going on now.

They surely know what was happening in between them but they chose to ignore it, somehow.

They arrived at a small dining restaurant which was like a small studio-sized room. The customers actually dine outside the shop since inside was the kitchen and the counter where costumers go and order meals their selves. It wasn't like the fancy one with waiters ready to accommodate them but Gun loved how the restaurant was set up-- and to add some effects and mood are the lights hanged to the posts in the actual area of the restaurant. They usually go and dine out for either business dinner, or dinner with friends or just the two of them after a day of work, but today was different from those dinners-- it was a whole lot of skipping and laughing and somehow unveiling some feelings they tried to conceal--- and it was special for them, and for no reasons at all. Gun watched Off who was at the counter trying to see what they can order. The guy was in a white plain long sleeve matched with black trousers- totally Gun's weakness. He always looked good in work clothes but something about the guy tonight makes Gun want to cling to him. The whole time they were walking was slight torture, because the guy was within his reach but he won't even try to touch him. The universe knows how he desired to be with the guy but it was clearly not on their side. Not yet.

Off walked back to their table with a tray in his hands. The guy can't help but chuckle at the sight of Gun who was on the phone, his brows frowning, his lips moving while he talks. The subtle movements Gun does make him appreciate the guy even more. The glow he seems to emit just captures Off's attention, for numerous times- and even when he will have to be captivated by Gun for more years, he'd be glad to accept that. Despite their closeness that developed within almost a year of working together, the guy was still a mystery to him. He knows nothing about its personal life. He was curious as hell, about how he became who he is today, and who he is outside of the industry they're in, but he thought waiting for him to open up might actually be more worth it.

_In Off's eyes, Gun is worth it.  
Even when he waited for him for years, and even if he'll have to wait for more, the guy in front of him now will always be worth the sacrifice of waiting._

He placed the tray and sat down in front of Gun who just finished talking to someone on his phone. 

"Was that work?"Off was placing their food on the table when he noticed the guy in front of him was silent. He raised his head only to find Gun staring at him.

"Thank you so much, Engr. Off"

The words of the latter caught the former off-guard. He stared back at him while fixing their meal. He fixed his self back to the chair without breaking their eye contact. There were no words coming out of their mouth but his stare was enough to drown Gun into the deepness of his eyes--- which sent him thousands of feelings. It was unexplainable and he was confused but, one thing is that Off's stare takes him to places where he wanted to go, for so long now that everything about this night seemed to be a dream to him, and if it were a dream then he wouldn't want to wake up now.

"Thank you for bringing me here tonight." Gun continued, a smile forming on his lips. 

"You don't have to thank me." 

"But you brought me here."

"You make these dine outs so much better." They went to places for work, gone to places with workmates and friends but nothing could make this dine out perfect other than the fact that he was spending the day after work with Gun. 

"Cheesy." Gun chuckled when Off broke the stare as he felt his cheek burn out and turned red because of embarrassment.

"You started it!" He fought back, making the latter laugh now. For a moment Off thought he was ready to tell Gun that he was falling. But maybe it wasn't meant to be yet, as there are still questions that need to be answered, and in his head, he knew it wasn't the time. But maybe soon... 

* * *

"Sir, Ms. Mild from the Interior Design team wants to meet you." Off's secretary greeted him with a sudden appointment. The guy looked at his secretary while taking off his glasses. "I don't remember us having an appointment." he rested his back to the swivel chair, taking a break from his paperwork to listen to the lady in front of him. "She said it's urgent, and she can't contact you so she went here immediately." 

"She's outside? Let her come in."  
the lady went out to call Mild who has this worried face when she entered his office.

"What's with the sudden visit Ms. Mild?" Off asked without looking at her, just focusing on the paper in his desk.

"You and Gun conducted the inspection the other day right?" she asked, which stopped Off from signing to look at the distressed colleague. "Yes, we went together. Why what's the matter?" 

"We were supposed to meet yesterday but he didn't come. I tried calling him and he wasn't answering." the panic in her voice was clear as she explains to the guy accurately. "You were the last person he spent with so I was hoping you'd know--"

"What do you mean--"

"We can't contact him. We can't find him, Engr. Off, and I was hoping you'd know his whereabouts and why he disappeared."

Cliche, as it sounds but the sky, seemed to be one with Off as the loud thunder roared, then the rain followed. Off tried to call Gun, from his company number down to his personal phone.

"The number you dialed is currently unavailable. Please try your call later."

He's been hearing this automatic voicemail for quite some time now as he continuously attempts to get hold of the guy. Mild left an hour ago to ask their friends, in the hopes of finding someone who could've seen Gun. Off went out of the firm to look for the guy as well, asking help from Tay and Arm.

"Have you contacted him?" Arm was on the phone, checking with Off who's now in the market where they went the other night. He doesn't know why but his feet brought him there. He was soaked in the rain but it didn't matter to him, because more than getting wet from the rain, to find Gun was more important. He won't let him disappear, not again.

"No, I haven't. I'm just going to places we've gone to before. No connection at all but my feet brought me here."

"It's raining, Off. You can rest for a while, we're helping you anyway. You can't get sick now we still have a load of work to do." Arm scolded him, his guts telling him Off was walking in the rain- and he wasn't wrong about that.

"I will after this. Thanks, buddy call me if anything comes up." he dropped the call and continued looking. Unlike that night, the streets were empty as people were sheltering their selves from the rain. The lights that were hanging in the posts were all wet and off. The very same place with his happiest memory of the present doesn't feel the same without Gun- a place they made their own from that night. 

And suddenly he was in the middle of nowhere, soaked in rain, his thoughts bombarding his head non-stop.

_"Where are you, Gun?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fantopia delayed me from updating. HAHAAHA anyway, i hope you enjoy this one!


	13. Chapter 12: The grief of losing you

####  Chapter 12: The grief of losing you. 

_“I was just in a stall, I didn’t know I’d lose you.” Gun replied, sobbing more now that he’s talking to the taller guy, feeling relieved after finally finding him. “I—was so worried, I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry Off.” ___

__

__

Off was woken up by the cold air that touched the bareness of his face. His body must’ve felt exhausted from driving to places, even walking amidst the strong pouring of the rain that he failed to notice that he fell asleep as soon as he settled in an eatery at the market. The eatery was not that crowded, but the number of people dining and sheltering from the rain was enough to make it noisy. The noise from the diners and Gun’s voice echoing from Off’s head were enough to make him feel sicker than he already is, but he doesn’t plan to stop looking for the guy. 

The biggest problem of looking for a lost guy was that he doesn’t have any idea of where to find him. He barely knew Gun- a few car rides and dinner night won’t make him know everything about the latter. Even when they’ve worked together for a year now, Gun was still a mystery to him; and he regretted not trying to get to know him when he had the chance to do so; it would have made the situation easier. He felt bad about it but turns out it wasn’t just him who was left in the dark--- even Mild who was his friend barely knew about the guy’s life before college. He raised his head and looked at the gloomy sky, and the rain was stronger than an hour ago. Tay and Arm called him several times to check on him, and he would just answer them with the same question as to the previous call: 

“Did you find him?” 

But he received the very same “No” from his two friends. The day is soon coming to an end, and there was still no news about Gun. Off was getting frustrated, whether because he knows nothing that could help him find the guy or that he’s getting exhausted, he doesn’t really know too. The rain stopped but the streets were still soaked from the rain but this did not stop him from storming out of the eatery—continuing his quest of looking for a guy who did not want to be found just yet. The time was running fast and it was already 11 P.M. As much as we wanted to search and stroll Bangkok for a few more hours, he couldn’t. He still has his work waiting for him and he can’t afford to lose his job too. 

* * *

“If it was Gun from 10 years ago, I would’ve found him instantly.” Off mumbled to himself as he walked back and forth inside his office. He was chanting these words repeatedly, trying to comfort himself and getting rid of the doubts that have been forming inside his head. He knew Gun was gonna come back, maybe later than they wanted, but Off needed to find the former sooner- for whatever reason he can think of. Perhaps, he wanted Gun to realize that someone’s looking for him and that he didn’t have to disappear as soon as his world crumbles; because Off would’ve been willing to hold him together to avoid him from falling apart. But as Off guessed, maybe what they have wasn’t enough for Gun to hold onto him. “But what are we even?” This question has always been holding him back from doing things for the guy—and for that reason he wanted to see Gun and clear everything before all of it backfires to him and eats his sanity away. 

He was stopped from his thoughts when Arm came into his office. He looked as stressed as him, as he has been helping Off in finding Gun. He calmed down and suddenly felt embarrassed for dragging his friend into a mess he wasn’t even involved with.  
“He filed a leave.” Arm said, handing out his phone that contains his exchange of messages with Mild. “He mailed one to his office this morning.” Off stood still, his hands feeling cold. “He really doesn’t want anyone to find him.” he mumbled in his head as he reached for Arm’s phone, reading the guy’s letter that was addressed to his firm’s manager. 

_“…I’ll be away for a while for some confidential matters. Hoping for your kindest consideration.”_ he chuckled as if he read something funny. Arm was just staring at him, confused with Off’s reaction. “What’s funny?” 

“Maybe I should stop looking for him.” he blurted out, sitting back to his swivel chair and turning back to look at the view of the city lights. “He doesn’t want anyone to find him” 

“How do you know that?” Arm asked back, sitting on the couch, allowing his legs to rest. “You’ve been looking for him, and then you’ll just suddenly stop? That’s so not you.” he continued, which made Off turn to him again. He was quiet for a couple of minutes- and then the silence slowly taking over the room. No one tried to break it and instead allowed it to seep right through them. Arm closed his eyes, attempting to ignore the growing uneasiness in the atmosphere. He wasn’t sure if he said something bad, but Off has been silent and staring at him blankly; he just let him if it’s gonna help his friend come up with a decision.  
“Arm?” he called, to which the former replied without opening his eyes. “Yes?” 

“If I suddenly disappeared, would you try to find me?” 

“What cringe question is that? Of course, I would. There’s so much work to do I can’t cover it for you, idiot.” he joked. Off just chuckled and rested his back to the chair, staring at the ceiling of his office as if it would help him solve all his misery. “And how would you find me?” his mouth blurted those words out loud, the same question he’s been asking himself for days now. “I’d probably call everyone you know, or go to places you’d probably go when you needed to breathe. Just like the old days pal.” Arm answered confidently, sounding like he knew the guy well to the point he’d be able to find him if he wanted to take a break from the world—which is true, as he was friends with Off for a long time now. 

“Am I that easy to read?” he’s been running in circles, and his thoughts were just getting out of his mouth; the total opposite of what he was planning. The tiredness is slowly taking over him, swallowing him after days of fighting it. It’s like he was just enduring it for his own satisfaction; getting used to the feeling of emptiness and exhaust, and he just waited for that one last push before he whispers to himself that he had enough. And maybe this news was the “push” he has been looking for. 

Whether it was because he was worried for Gun or that he wanted answers to his questions—he isn’t so sure now. It became hard for him to sort out his feelings after the guy just vanished without a word and not thinking of everyone he will be leaving behind. He started to question the things they’ve been doing and the sincerity of it. He suddenly wanted to know if every slight touch, and the rush of excitement he feels whenever Gun would call his name, and the look Gun would always give him whenever he’s not paying attention were all real and not just an illusion he created because of the longing he has for the guy. 

“If you were Gun, would you like anyone to find you?” Arm suddenly asked, standing after minutes of rest. “Maybe you should start thinking like Gun to find him,” he continued, walking towards the door signaling his leave, “...whether it’s the mysterious Gun, or just the Gun you know. You should start there and see if you find something.” the latter finished before leaving Off to think for himself. It’s true that he’s been going to circles but he reached this far with Gun and now is not the time to stop. He still needed to breathe and the only thing that would let him is if his questions were to be answered by Gun. 

“If I were Gun, where will I go?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its me again! Im sorry it took me a while to update, i really had a tough time continuing this chapter and i've been editing this for awhile now. I hope you enjoy this one. and Happy New Year everyone!


End file.
